2020 was a hard year. I was caught up in the fear and anxiety that the whole world was feeling. Not only that, but I was also at a crossroads in my life. I didn’t know what my next season of life would look like. I was graduating college and needed a steady job right away . . . or so I thought. It was discouraging to see doors close again and again with no hope in sight. It left me questioning if God was actually leading me through this difficult time. I couldn’t control things the way I wanted them to go, but God was waiting me to turn back to Him.

His ways are higher than our own

As I was filled with fear about what was going on in the world and in my own life, I didn’t see God’s hand in it at all. I needed my questions answered and they weren’t, but I learned that it can’t be about how I feel. I have to trust in Him even when it feels like nothing is happening. His ways are higher than our ways, and no matter what I think, God’s will does prevail. We want our prayers answered right away, but God can work slowly and it is us who have to be patient. I was trying to do things on my own when I should have been relying on God and what His desire for my life would look like.

I tried doing it on my own at first

I also was worried that I would be taking the wrong path. Sometimes it is hard for me to find peace about a decision if there is potential for  something to go wrong. But of course, life isn’t perfect and God was wanting me to trust Him even in the rough times. I thought I needed to do all these things so everything would go smoothly, but that burdened me with so much anxiety. I put all this pressure on myself to make my own way in the world.

But in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” We are called to rest in God because He knows what we need. We are to rely on Him and not our own strength. I learned that sometimes God takes us through struggles so that we truly understand that only He can bring hope.

Through my doubt, I thought I had to provide for and take care of myself. But God is the one who loved us enough to send His son to die for us. He loves us so much and truly does have our best interest at heart.

In Luke 12:6-7 Jesus says, “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” We are so precious to God that He wants to provide for us! 

God is teaching me to fully rely on Him for every need

He made the way for me to move across the country to Los Angeles to be a missionary that lives off of fund-raised support. As time goes on, God is truly showing me what full reliance on Him looks like. I cannot put faith in myself to provide. God wants to show His wonder through provision, and I believe that this is a big part of why He is leading me here.

I don’t have to worry and should trust Him in this adventure. Letting go of our expectations for life and letting God lead should be the most freeing thing. When God is in charge, we can do more than we can imagine for ourselves. I had no idea what I was going to do in the first half of the year, but through God’s grace He turned it around and I am now in California serving Him.

God has big plans for each of us. We must stop striving to figure it out ourselves and trust that He will make a way.