The Lord Is Defeating You, To Win You

This is my second week in my School of Ministry Development. We have already gone through quite a bit together. After being home for a month after my Discipleship Training School, I noticed when I moved back to the YWAM Los Angeles base, that I let a lot get to me while I was back in Ventura. From friends not following the Lord, to friends heavy into drugs, people unmotivated, people who are suicidal and talk about the next person they are planning on hooking up with… It’s all degrading. It’s draining. It sucks the life out of you.

This week we had a man named Kenny Peavy come and share with us. He focused a lot on the Holy Spirit as a person and not a thing. He taught us about identity, integrity, and giving God our everything. The first day, Kenny walks in wearing these skinny jeans, hipster boots, and blue shirt. Not what I was expecting. For some reason when I first heard our school leader Lisa say his name, I pictured an old man with white hair. Not Kenny! This guy walks in on our new turf and wrecks all of us! One of the first things he says to us is,”The Lord is defeating you, to win you.” He didn’t sugar coat it. He didn’t try to beat around the bush. He gave it to us simple and raw. The Lord knows that’s how I hear Him best.

Let me get one thing straight before I continue. These wise words and knowledge didn’t come from this guy Kenny. The Lord simply used Kenny as His mouth piece to share these incredible revelations to our class. Kenny gets no credit. All credit goes to the God of heaven. God spoke to this man, to deliver a message to us and call out the things in our hearts that needed to be surrendered in order for God to get the most glory. How can I be a leader and lead people further into the throne room of God, if I’m carrying this bag of crap in my own heart? How can God be glorified if I haven’t forgiven the people that have so deeply wounded me?

Within the first thirty minutes of our lecture on day one, I was already in tears. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had been holding onto resentment, bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness, unwillingness, and a false identity in who God created me to be. I was dealing with stress, anxiety, and fear of the unknown and didn’t even know it. So what did we do? We prayed. We asked God to rid us of these things. We then learned how to daily wake up and surrender these things that are not of Him, before we even step foot out of bed.

That next morning I did all the steps Kenny suggested. “God free me of all fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc. Amen.” My day was a complete one eighty from the day prior. I found joy in cleaning a huge kitchen, I laughed when someones drink fell on my favorite shirt, I could clearly hear the Lord’s voice, I didn’t feel like I was in a funk the entire day, I had more energy, I had a three hour quiet time seeking the Lord, and I found peace knowing that He would provide the $1,450 dollars I owe a week from now. Those things aren’t possible without Jesus Christ.

One thing the Lord really highlighted to me was my attitude. I’m not a morning person. I don’t particularly like waking up to people in my house. So what did the Lord suggest? He simply said, “Get up earlier then the rest of your house, take a walk, come home and shower, and then press into my word.” So I did it. The first morning was painful. It was like taking a bear out of hibernation in the middle of winter. When my roommates woke up, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Good morning” followed by a smile. YES A SMILE!!! I think I threw the girls off a little bit. Each morning gets easier. I find joy in waking up before the sun to exercise and pray all simply because the Lord had me work on one specific thing.

Something about our God that you need to know, is that He doesn’t ask you to do things beyond what you can handle. The Lord knew I couldn’t handle more than one thing this week. He’s relational with me. He knows my heart and the things I struggle with. He cares about my time with Him. He’s working on my attitude and has given me joy so that He can get the glory, not Morgan.  The Lord is defeating my attitude, to slowly win all of me. I know for a fact that He is going to do this with all the areas I struggle in. My job, is to hold my hands open to Him, instead of clenching my fists and holding onto all my crap. Being willing and open is key! Thank you Lord!
Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”
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